MFM Joker Corner

A shelter from all those GPS talks. Share a joke or chat casually on other topics. Your post count will not increase if you post here :)

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Thu Jan 28, 2010 11:35 am

MID-LIFE CRISIS

After being married for 44 years, i took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white tv, but i got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

Now i have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv, but i'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

my wife is a very reasonable woman.she told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that i would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white tv.

Aren't older women great ? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis !!!




:lol: :lol: :lol:
sista kissnightImage

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Thu Jan 28, 2010 11:57 am

What I Want In A Man !!!
(a gud one to repeat)



Original List:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises



What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries



What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8.. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends



What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)



1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends



What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)



1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8.. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend



What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing.
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.



:lol: :lol: :lol:
sista kissnightImage

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Thu Jan 28, 2010 12:42 pm

Retirement At 65


Upon reaching 65, John decided to retire.
After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him.
She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.
John obliged and went out for a couple of hours.


When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club.


"What ? Are you nuts ? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes ?" :hair: :hair: :hair:


"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."


"You crazy old man, where are your glasses ! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club !!!" ](*,)


"Oh, great !!! Now what am I going to do ? I signed up for 5 jumps a week !!!" :ko: :ko: :ko:



:lol: :lol: :lol:
sista kissnightImage

User avatar
kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Fri Jan 29, 2010 12:36 am

LADIES EYE MAKE-UP




Eye makeup is very important for women.




For example no man will look at this woman twice if not for her eye makeup.




You dun believe...???????




ok... you just wait and look carefully......




who cares if she is breathing hard.... everybody is looking at her eyes ONLY......




ooooiiiiiiiiii the eyes lah........






Image


:lol: :lol: :lol:
sista kissnightImage

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chindian
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby chindian » Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:05 am

A little weekend joke to clear the stress..
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big black guy sees the little white guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me, I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown ... Sweet GOD, I thought you said, "Turn Around..!"
Latitude is Where We are Lost,
Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!

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badrol
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby badrol » Fri Jan 29, 2010 5:21 pm

Tiger Wood has entered a rehabilitation centre to fix his sex addition problem. A lot of people say that his golf career will go down as he will struggle to get his old performance.

I think that his golf performance will be OK, Why??????



Because he can bring one golf club and two balls to practice while in the rehab centre. unless, his wife already locked the golf bag and keep the key.
ImageImageImage

fallenj
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2008 3:00 pm

"Only if it's raining."

Postby fallenj » Fri Jan 29, 2010 5:35 pm

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. On one wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems".

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed , grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.

So he started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.

It wasn't that effective! After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running." Another! runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Only if it's raining." :champ:

fallenj
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2008 3:00 pm

King Arthur

Postby fallenj » Fri Jan 29, 2010 5:50 pm

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom! and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?
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What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
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Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
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Now....what is the moral to this story?
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> The moral is.....
> If you don't let a woman have her own way....
> Things are going to get ugly!
:mrgreen:

User avatar
tlchuan
Polygon Mapper
Posts: 2009
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:15 am
Location: Subang Jaya (x10 & Oregon 300)Garmin 255w sgmy, 2575RLM, Wayway 5035
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby tlchuan » Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:45 pm

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades,
until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?'

She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.'

'Why?' he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'

'Let me see' he said.

'Okay' and she showed him.

He looked and said, 'That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said
to the little girl, 'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!'

She asked if she could look, so he showed her!

She said, 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!
Image

User avatar
kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Tue Feb 02, 2010 10:08 am

TEACHER

A teacher asks the class to name something that end with 'tor' and eats things.



1st little boy says,
"Alligator."

"Very good, that's a big word."



2nd boy says,
"Predator."

"Yes, that's another big word."





3rd boy says,
"Vibrator, Miss."



After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That's a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."




"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries !!! "




:lol: :lol: :lol:
sista kissnightImage


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