MFM Joker Corner 2

[kissnight]

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors


1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember..

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want.... the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice..


.. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. . . .. ... . . .. . . . . . .. . . . . .


'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police ..

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN.....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

[kissnight]

Fartman. This is Mr Methane. :-)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M

[moeyhc]

Welcome Back Sista!...

Where have you been... we miss your posts!

BTW, what have you posted?...

[kissnight]

[kissnight]

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.


We are all familiar with a Herd of cows,



a Flock of chickens,



a School of fish



and a Gaggle of geese.




However, less widely known is: a Pride of lions,



a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),






an Exaltation of doves




and, presumably because they look so wise: a Congress of owls.




Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons ???





Believe it or not ……. a Parliament




A PARLIAMENT OF BABOONS!
I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out from the Parliament.

[kissnight]

Why insist on using English for mathematics and science?

This is because the whole world uses the language as an information and/or technology language. How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa, especially in school. See example below:-

Hardware = barang keras

Software = barang lembut

Joystick = batang gembira

Plug and Play = cucuk dan main

Port = lubang

Server = pelayan

Client = pelanggan

Try to translate this:

ENGLISH:

That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.

Now in BAHASA:

Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.

[user66]

lol.

thanks for sharing

[kissnight]

Spare a thought for Uncle Tony F, Chief Executive of Air Asia......

Arriving in a hotel in KL Sentral he went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness.
The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Ringgit please, Uncle Tony."
Somewhat taken aback, Uncle Tony replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest draught in Asia"

"That is remarkable value" Uncle Tony comments.

"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be 3 Ringgit please."

Uncle Tony scowled, but paid up.
He took his drink and walked towards a seat.

"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 Ringgit. You could have pre-book the seat, and it would have only cost you a Ringgit"

"I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please"

Uncle Tony attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".

"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of RM4 for your seat sir".

Tony swore to himself, but paid up.

"I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 Ringgit"

Uncle Tony was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".

"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 Ringgit please."

Uncle's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?"

"Of course I do Mr Fernandes.

"I've had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"

"Here is his email address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 sen per second provided you use Tune Talk, using other mobile carriers would incur our normal charges of 30 Sen per second.

"I will never use this bar again"

"OK Uncle , but remember, we are the only bar in Asia selling pints for one Ringgit...so that... Now everyone can drink "

[kissnight]

[kissnight]

A Letter from an Irish MUM!


Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive.
I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast.
We are all doing very well.

You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since..

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whisky in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time.. Nothing much has happened..

Your loving Mum.

P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.