MFM Joker Corner 2

[kissnight]

Pregnant Wife





Since the wife was eight months into her Pregnancy, the husband had to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he had been desperate for quite a while.

Just before lying down on the bed, the wife glances at him and sees the poor guy curls up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire...

Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of the cabinet, takes out 500 bucks, and gives it to him. "Here, take this and go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight.... and remember that this happens only once... ok?... Don't think about it again" she said.

The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, grabs the money and leaves quickly.

A few minutes later, he returns, and hands the money back to his wife and says with much disappointment: ''She said this is not enough. She wants one thousand.....''

The wife's face slowly turns red with anger. "Damn that bitch.. when she was pregnant and her husband came over here...I charged him only five hundred..."

The guy collapsed !!!

Think TWICE when your wife is over Generous.

[kissnight]

The Arab Dog vs. the Israeli Dog

The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So, they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: A duel of two, like David and Goliath. This duel would be a dog fight.

The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Doberman's and Rottweiler's in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves.

They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. And after the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!

Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. All the bookies took a look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

As the cages were opened, the Dachshund very slowly waddled towards the center of the ring.

The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant ''wiener-dog''. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail floating to the ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "Our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Doberman's, Rottweiler's and Siberian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!"

The Israelis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Filipino plastic surgeons from Vicky Bello working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

[kissnight]

Cigarette Story
 
I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Marlboro ,
in the Salem high country
 
I always carry a Mild Seven
I ride on a White Horse.

Going to Kingsway in Kent
it was Lucky Strike that I fell in love with the daughter of Master Duke.
Her name is YSL

We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And booked into a room number 555.

I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf.
I played with her two Matterhorns.
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
she cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider !!
and you are riding like a mad Camel "

When I asked her if she was satisfied
she answered  " I want MORE !!!!"

Then suddenly she turned around and asked me if I want to
enter her Gudang Garam.

She said... Depan belakang puas, barulah Sampoerna !!!

[tlchuan]

good 1

[kissnight]

3 old Geezers
Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.

The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"

The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"

The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."

[kissnight]

Have NEVER seen a 3D commercial in HD before on a PC.
This Japanese Beer commercial is incredible, detailed w/fantasia.
Seriously, this Japanese beer ad is like watching an adventure movie.
You'll be pausing and rewinding to catch things as there is SO much going on.


http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=K-Rs6YEZAt8

[kissnight]

BLONDE JOKES

DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland.
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.
They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me..'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream..
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

[kissnight]

Chinglish

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep.
But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down.
The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.
I ran until I fell 6 and threw up..
So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him.
Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him.
10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven.
Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6.
He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work.
He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down!
I don't understand.
I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

[kissnight]

Why Men are the Best Cooks ?

[moeyhc]

MfM Drivers.....

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see A MfM Driver behind the wheel fiddling with his GPS!
Realizing that the Driver was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his BULLHORN and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the MfM Driver yelled back, 'Next Exit 50KM'....

my version... for the Ipoh mali GG....