MFM Joker Corner 2

A shelter from all those GPS talks. Share a joke or chat casually on other topics. Your post count will not increase if you post here :)

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tlchuan
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby tlchuan » Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:40 pm

Getting old sucks...

A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand, every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you sitting here on this park bench crying?"

The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."
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tlchuan
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby tlchuan » Wed May 30, 2012 7:28 am

Don,t laugh, promise

Of course I won't laugh," said the Nurse to the patient, "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life. In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as well as she could.

"I am so sorry," she said,"I don't know what came over me.On my honour as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Bob replied. She ran out of the room
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tlchuan
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby tlchuan » Sun Jun 17, 2012 11:18 pm

Lie Detector

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper. "Where were you last night?"
Son says, "I was at the library."
The robot slaps son.
"OK I was at a friend's house."
"Doing what?" asked the father.
"Watching a movie; Toy Story."
Robot slaps son. "OK, it was porn!" cried the son.
Father yells, "What? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says "He certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
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tlchuan
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby tlchuan » Sun Jul 08, 2012 12:47 pm

One Hole Behind

A guy was playing golf one day and he got
lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went
to her and said "Can you please help me, I
don't know what hole I'm on."

She told him "You are one hole behind me.
I'm on 7; you're on 6."

He thanked her and continued playing golf.
On the back nine he got lost again. He saw
the same lady and went to her again kind of
embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again
but I'm lost again, can you please tell me
what hole I'm on."

She told him "you are one hole behind me.I'm on 14; you are on 13."

Again he thanked her and continued playing
golf. When he finished he saw her in the
clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he
could buy her a drink for helping him out. She
accepted. As they were drinking and talking
he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in
sales."

He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you
sell?"

She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But
after he kept pleading to know what she sold
she said she'd tell him if he promised not to
laugh. He promised. She said, "I sell
tampons".

He immediately fell to the floor laughing
hysterically. She said, "You promised you
wouldn't laugh".

He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I
sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind
you."
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby kissnight » Mon Aug 27, 2012 12:55 pm

Lady Golfer
Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It was not quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round in the break room.

Curious, she spoke up, 'You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?'

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early at 6:30 am. He figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately.

The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late.
They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay.
She smiled and said, 'Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45.'
She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening two-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round.
The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse, they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week.
She smiled and said, 'Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45.'

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand.

By now the guys were very amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They could not figure her out. She was again very pleasant and did not seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

In the third week, they all had their game faces on. However, this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life to beat her.

As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally, she showed up. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play that it was hard to keep a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse, she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her directly, 'How do you decide if you are going to golf right-handed or left-handed? '
The lady blushed and grinned. She said, 'That is easy. When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude.

From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his '*Johnson*' was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed and if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, 'But what if it's pointed straight up in the air?'

She said, 'Then I am fifteen minutes late.'


:lol: :lol: :lol:
sista kissnightImage

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kissnight
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby kissnight » Mon Aug 27, 2012 12:57 pm

At the Dentist
Just at the moment when the dentist was leaning over towards his patient to take care of her teeth, he was startled.
"Excuse me, Miss, those are my testicles that you are holding."

"I know," answered the patient.

"We two should be very careful not to hurt each other, ..... Agree?"


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby moeyhc » Mon Aug 27, 2012 2:31 pm

:welcome: back sista kissnight... you always bring laughter to us... :tq:
Common Sense Is Not Common.

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tlchuan
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby tlchuan » Wed Aug 29, 2012 10:44 pm

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tlchuan
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby tlchuan » Wed Aug 29, 2012 10:48 pm

Did you know what happened 162 years ago this fall... back in 1850?


California became a state
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically nothing has changed except then the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.

That, my friends, is the history lesson for today!
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tlchuan
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Re: MFM Joker Corner 2

Postby tlchuan » Sat Sep 01, 2012 8:20 pm

Can I borrow your newspaper?

I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, he said. 'I don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my Galaxy Tab.'

I can tell you this, that fuckin fly never knew what hit him.
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