MFM Joker Corner

A shelter from all those GPS talks. Share a joke or chat casually on other topics. Your post count will not increase if you post here :)

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:09 am

SHIT, CONDOMS AND FUCK

There was this little kid and he was watching his mother put on makeup.
She messed up and said "shit".
The little boy asked his mother "what does shit mean?"
She told him it was another word for makeup.

So then he went into his teenage sister Tina's room and she was talking on the phone about "condoms".
The little boy asked her what a condom was and she told him "its another word for clothes."

The little boy then went into the kitchen where is father was cutting a chicken.
His father cut himself and said "fuck".
The little boy asked what fuck meant and his father told him it was another word for cutting.

The doorbell rang and the little boy answered the door.
It was his grandmother and she asked where everyone was.

The little boy said "Mommy is upstairs putting shit on her face, Tina is putting condoms on, and daddy is fucking the chicken."

:D :D :D

sista kissnightImage

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jaguar
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby jaguar » Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:34 am

Alamak... site admin !!!! can you sensur these jokers :mrgreen:

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cruiser
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby cruiser » Sat Sep 20, 2008 10:53 am

Good Moooorrrrrnnnniiiinnnnnggg brudder Jag. Come on man... No sensorship here ok ? Of course, we will tone done a weee little bit, bbut don't tie my hands la.............or is it my mouth.. ? Oops. =D> Shoot Ah !!! This is Free and Easy corner mah..... :lol: :lol: sista kissy kissy kissy .. more more more...
Image ~ Cruiser ~

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:38 pm

jaguar wrote:Alamak... site admin !!!! can you sensur these jokers :mrgreen:


ha ha ha.. darling jaguar... \:D/ \:D/ \:D/
why need to censor ah ??? :evil: :evil: :evil:

sigh... aledi running at 40% only... :oops: :oops: :oops:
ratings : PG 18
no nude bodies, no sexual acts...
no crude language, no religion abusing..
so a little 'f' word to emphasize.. ok lah... :tease:
be more tolerant lah .. :prayer:
joke only mah...
not even X-rated.... :lol: :lol: :lol:
hee hee...

I am so stressed out filtering my collections.... :ko: :ko: :ko:
:tease: :tease: :tease:

Last edited by kissnight on Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
sista kissnightImage

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:45 pm

MARS AND VENUS
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing.
And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??"
So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads.

She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman
.
I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"

I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed.
The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store...
I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK.
And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you ...she was so excited.
She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared.
I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."
You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank.
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw.


:D :D :D
sista kissnightImage

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:48 pm

THE MIRACLE SHOW
An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.

The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.

Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts.
Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me."

So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.

The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"


:D :D :D
sista kissnightImage

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:51 pm

CARE TO GO UPSTAIRS ?
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shhhh !" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do.
These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code.
For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

:D :D :D


sista kissnightImage

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SOSweet
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby SOSweet » Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:13 pm

kissnight wrote:THE WIFE TRANSLATIONS GUIDE
*snip*.....
:D :D :D

Sista, your guides are worst than the 10 COMMANDMENT for MEN hor. :evil:
HEALTHY LIVING :
Eat Less - Salt & Sugar
Do More - Exercise & Good Deeds

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:40 pm

ETHEL ON WHEELS
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.

'STOP !,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.

'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP ! Have you got proof of insurance?'

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.

Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand.

'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!'

:D :D :D


sista kissnightImage

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kissnight
Posts: 49
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:58 am
Location: Kuala Lumpur

Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:41 pm

SOSweet wrote:
kissnight wrote:THE WIFE TRANSLATIONS GUIDE
*snip*.....
:D :D :D

Sista, your guides are worst than the 10 COMMANDMENT for MEN hor. :evil:


ha ha ha..... :peace: :peace: :peace:
:tease: :tease: :tease:
sista kissnightImage


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