MFM Joker Corner

A shelter from all those GPS talks. Share a joke or chat casually on other topics. Your post count will not increase if you post here :)

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cruiser
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby cruiser » Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:57 am

OK Okie dearrest.... Her I come !!! I'll start a little bit of Ah Beng for today :mrgreen:


Why is lightning faster than thunder ?
Ah Beng and Ah Lian were on the beach on a stormy night. There were lightning and thunder all over the place. Ah Lian asked Ah Beng, “Why is it we always see the lightning before we hear the thunder ?

Ah Beng replied, “Ai yah. So simple also you don’t know. Because our eyes are in front of our ears, mah ???”

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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cruiser
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby cruiser » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:00 pm

Here is anoner one.


Ah Beng’s Theory on English Spelling
Aoccdrnig to Ah Beng's theroy on Enlgish, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

I think all of us can understand what Ah Beng wrote above. So he must be right. So Ah Beng can be quite clever after all.

O lalalalala =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> clever ah beng

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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby cruiser » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:01 pm


I like this bery much.... :D

Ordering food at an Italian Restaurant
To impress Ah Lian, Ah Beng took her to a very expensive Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu but could not understand anything as it was all in Italian. Still wanting to impress Ah Lian, he went down the list in the menu and decided to pick the last item. Ah Beng confidently told the waiter "We'll have the last item, Giuseppe Spomdalucci,". The waiter replied, "I am sorry, Sir, that’s the name of the owner."
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby SOSweet » Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:29 pm

AH SOH JOKES

Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.
Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "

**************

Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do?"
Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it! ?"
Ah Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke"

**************

Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?
Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

**************

Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.
Her friend gets a seat downstairs and Ah Soh goes upstairs.
After a while, her friend goes upstairs to look for Ah Soh and finds her clutching the seats in both hands and her body is shivering .
Her friend : "What happened? Why you so scared for what? Downstairs quite shiok one."
Ah Soh : "Alamak you! You got a driver but I don't."
HEALTHY LIVING :
Eat Less - Salt & Sugar
Do More - Exercise & Good Deeds

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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby SOSweet » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:02 pm

Miss Singapore

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question
incorrectly, you are disqualified.

Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: Lan Chxxx !

Judge: ?????????!!!!
HEALTHY LIVING :
Eat Less - Salt & Sugar
Do More - Exercise & Good Deeds

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SOSweet
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby SOSweet » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:05 pm

Here is another Ah Beng Joke :

Real Men Drink Milk

Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition.
During the Q & A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."

The crowd shouts,"Gin! Gin!".

Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!"

Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"

Host : "Quiet please."

Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more original answer : Gu ni!" (cow milk in hokkien)
HEALTHY LIVING :
Eat Less - Salt & Sugar
Do More - Exercise & Good Deeds

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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby cruiser » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:25 pm


This is definitely a clean joke.... I try to start clean at this site :mrgreen:


AT THE JOB INTERVIEW

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colors. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second"
So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"
The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while winking?"
Last edited by cruiser on Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby kissnight » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:57 pm

cruiser wrote:The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking"



ha ha ha.. cruiser.. that's funny.... :thumbsup:

nah this is for your bathroom... :tease: :tease: :tease:




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:D :D :D
sista kissnightImage

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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby unclediy » Fri Sep 19, 2008 3:29 pm

cruiser wrote: Aoccdrnig to Ah Beng's theroy on Enlgish, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.


Unbelievable, I can read them too by 'pattern recognition' . I think that is the reason why - even we read several times the documents we typed, there are still typo errors when checked by others. I'm no Ah Beng though... :mrgreen:

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Re: MFM Joker Corner

Postby cruiser » Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:54 pm

Oh my god, I like this one and I dedicate it to all lawyers here \:D/

Lawyers are the Best Patients

Two new surgeons at the hospital were discussing the qualities of their favorite patients. “I like contractors myself” says one. “They don’t even flinch when I tell them I underestimated the cost and length of surgery.”

“Well, I had an electrician yesterday” another says. “It was beautiful everything inside well marked and color coded!’

An older surgeon passing by heard them, and cut in. “You fellas ain’t seen nothing yet” he tells them “By far the best patients are lawyers- they have no heart, no spine, little guts, and the head and butt are fully interchangeable!”

What'd You Think?
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